Saturday, December 2, 2006

A Visit from the Porn Fairy


Bondage, sexual stereotypes, niche penchants. [translation = to name but a few] If your security is malfunctioning, inferior, or not turned on, you may be greeted with a visual extravaganza not often experienced in middle age, in the privacy of your own home, on your own personal screen. [translation = unfortunately?]




Now someone as worldly wise as myself, was of course familiar with all the material, positions and unusual words, [note to self = practice translating text messaging] that appeared by magic overnight. It’s wasn’t the quality that amazed me, but the sheer quantity.



There I was [translation = here I am] minding my own beeswax, [translation = business] but they found me! Little messages from cyberspace inviting me to participate in adventures that could only be accurately described by ‘text messaging.’ [translation = a means of communication favoured by the young and also those residing in Europe]



I had been warned. Technical talk like ‘word verification’ and ‘security.’ But did I listen? Yes, but I had no handy translator, as spouse was otherwise engaged. [translation = and he’s a newbie too.] I should be used to techno talk, almost as bad as pychobabble, but I admit that I had tuned it out.



I admit my error, apoligise fulsomely. [translation = especially for the ‘s’ instead of a ‘z’ {sub translation = zed}] Reluctant as I am to offer unsolicited advice, as always, I would respectfully suggest that new bloggers turn their attention to that section first, before posting. I would offer to help, but that is not the sort of help that you want, as clearly this is not my area of expertise. [translation = disqualified by guilt, neglect and ignorance]




It has been a long time, since the porn fairy visited me and I apologise to my networker for undoing all his hard work. But if he’s good, I’ll let him take a peek before I delete, even though this means that I have failed ‘be an American 101 = freedom of expression]

But I have my rhino hide to protect me. [Translation = and I wave my Rhino horn at you {sub translation = in a non threatening manner}]

2 comments:

Sarah (Mrs Blythe) said...

Lol I had to laugh at the translations! I started an English/American dictionary on ye olde blog [translation = blog I deleted] but it just took up my life I felt like Samuel Johnson.

From what part of ol'Blighty [translation = Britain ;)] do you hail?

sarala said...

A word to the wise: if you use a "naughty" word on your site, people who google search for porn will have your site come up. I linked to a site with the word "boobs" in its title and google brought up my site for another purpose. I also posted about spam and used a spam word that was misspelled. Well apparently people into porn cannot spell either.