Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Jaw Surgery

I come home from another three hour session at the "dentist." I debate with myself whether to crush the painkillers and swill them back, or take the more dangerous course of action? If I’m quick and co-ordinated I can open my jaw for a fraction of a second, nearly long enough to pry a couple of small pills simultaneously through the elastic bands before they snap shut like a mantrap. I compare results – nipping off the end of my fingers or hours of gritty mouth interior?

When spouse comes home he is beaming. I part my lips in response, as my jaw aches too much to attempt speech. “What? I thought they were supposed to be taking them off not putting more on?” I gesture, ‘me too.’
“So no restaurant this weekend after all?” I reach for the wipe board – ‘not if they’re serving food.’ He sighs. I sniff. “Well, how much longer is this going to go on?”
‘Until the 19th.’
“Can you open it at all?” I demonstrate my man trap capabilities.
“Wow! That’s some backlash you’ve got going there.” I sigh. He huffs.
“I know! When you open up like that, it’s like a net, you know, a mesh or a sieve. Couldn’t you just shove some in there, mash it through as it were?”
‘it would have to be very soft.’
“You’ve got to eat something!” he offers plaintively, although I’m not sure if it’s due to sympathy, or for whom?
“How about mashed potatoes? All American restaurants serve mashed potatoes! That’s great, we can still go!”
I contemplate the prospect of a dinner plate full of mashed potatoes. I wonder what might be the appropriate subtle sieving technique in a public forum? I hope that the sound of the snap back won’t tip them off!

1 comment:

Awesome Mom said...

When I had my wisdom teeth out that night my mom made steak for dinner. We rarely had steak ever so I was super pissed that I was stuck with lame soup when the rest of my family was eating steak. Punch your husband in the shoulder for daring to suggest you go out to eat. lol