Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Errors


I buy far to much meat because I am a soft touch when it comes to a bargain.

Whilst many supermarket shoppers also enjoy a bargain, few people outside of America understand American bargains.

A European bargain would be five pence off something that costs ten pounds or collect 10 barcodes and send in for your one pound voucher off future purchases. American bargains make your brain numb. Buy one individual packet of pretzels, insufficient to sustain life in a mouse for one dollar, or buy a sack of pretzels to feed the 5000 for one dollar fifty. As a result I am forcd to drive home with the equivalent of half a zebra carcass in the trunk.

I drag in the carcass and check for leaks as I reach the comparative safety of home. My spouse accosts me in the kitchen. “What on earth is that?” he accuses.
“Half a zee… er … meat.”
“What are we going to do with it all?”
“Um….eat it?”
“I meant, how are we going to store it prior to that eventuality?”
“Freezer.”
“Full.”
“Full?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Bread.”
“Bread?”
“Yes, it was on offer at the farmer’s market, I couldn’t resist.”
“Which would you prefer?”
“Which?”
“Penicillicin on the bread or maggots on the meat?”

Moral – buy the new freezer prior to buying the bargains

And in my other "life".....

5 comments:

Awesome Mom said...

Lol half of a zebra! We have a small chest freezer in addition to our tiny one that is with our fridge. That is where we keep most of our frozen bargains. I don't think I could shop at Costco with out it to hold my finds.

Hammer said...

Meat sandwiches!

I love bargains too but I always end up throwing away half of it anyway.

Josie Two Shoes said...

You are such a delightful and skilled writer, Maddy. This was too funny - with the zebra touch! Yup, I too puzzle at the folks who will opt for the small high-dollar package, and end up with big bags that will feed me for months! I used to have a mother-in-law that could have feed all the neighbors for weeks on her stash of sale food, If I ran out of anything in a pinch she was my first stop!

The Anti-Wife said...

It all stems from the depression mentality - hoard because there may not be any later. I don't do it with food so much as with things like 36 rolls of toilet paper for one person. Good thing I have a big garage.

Phoebe Gleeson said...

Hammer's got it!