Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Move along there you’re holding up the line!

We go to MacDonald’s for a coronary treat. The boys glue themselves to the display cabinet of toys. My daughter helps me order.
“Three Happy Meals please,” I beam.
“D’ya wan girlz or boyz?”
I have no idea what sex a chicken nugget is? My daughter helps, “one girl, two boys.”
“D’ya wan sada er appil jis?”
She sees her chance and grabs it, “two thick shakes and a water please.”
“No! Please may we have three of those little cartons.” I point, because I am a very rude person. Fortunately nobody notices that I am being rude.
“D’ya wan kitchip.”
“Yes I thought they came with chips?”
“D’ya wan chipz too?”
“Yes please.”
“No mom! No chips. Those are chips, in the bag,” she points. I tap. “But you pointed. I saw you.”
“Yes, well, anyway. That will be three fries please.”
“D’ya wan tree mur fries?” I look at my daughter, ‘do I?’
“No, not three more fries just the fries that come with the Happy Meals….please.” Well done!
“D’ya wan dah kitchip?” Oh dear!
“Yes please and one Barbeque sauce.”
“Anything else? I got tree. D’ya wan anything?” she asks, finger tips poised over the keys.
“Yes I’ll have a fillet o fish please.”
“A wa?”
“A fillet o fish please.”
“A wa?”
“Quit it with the French accent mom, it sounds kinda weird!”
“A sawig or a meal?” Oh dear. This is so difficult.
“Sandwich,” she adds as I flounder.
“Is a sandwich the same as a bun or is it two slices of bread?”
“Wussa bun?”
I collapse on a chair with mental exhaustion, or I would do if the chair wasn’t four and a half feet from the ground. She rests her elbows on the table, a gesture of defiance if ever I saw one. “Mom!”
“Yes dear?”
“How longa yah been here?”
“In America?”
“Well let me see now, just over 12 years.”
“How longa yah been in England?”
“Well that’s more tricky before Grampa was in the Navy so we moved around a great deal.”
“Well there’s nothing else for it?”
“We gotta come here more oftener.”
“Coz you’ve just gotta learn how to talk right. Whattaya gonna do when I’m gone!”
Get real, eat in and enjoy a long, happy and peaceful existence.


Linda said...

May I politely suggest that you never dine in Massachusetts or New Jersey as the accents there will throw you for even more of a loop than what you have to deal with out in California!

flutter said...

Oh my god.

Niksmom said...

ROFLMAO. Thank God for your daughter to keep you in line! ;-)

whitenoise said...

Yo' gonna eat alla dem fries?

sweetpeas said...

MCDonalds, eh? Brings out the most interesting experiences don't ya think? Check out my most recent .....

dgibbs said...

What? You be able to go have McDonalds if she isn't with you? Oh the shame of it all!

buffalodickdy said...

I've lived in America all my life, and could tell roughly the same story about a trip to a "Mickey D's"! Welcome to the melting pot, where everybody doesn't melt at the same rate.....

Mary said...

Too funny! I've lived here all my life and still require my childrens help in such places. God bless the child.

mumkeepingsane said...

I know for a fact I couldn't converse in most of the states (except for the north eastern ones where the accent seems to be similar to canadian).

Anne said...

This is too funny... "French accent" ... jeez

Yes, take them out more!

I love the tartar sauce from the fish sandwich with my fries, er, chips.

The Anti-Wife said...

You're that person who takes an hour to order and holds up the line! Too funny!

riseoutofme said...

Funny post.

No wonder you feel like an Alien!

Thank God for interpreters.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh!!!
I went to get a take out dinner the other night and when we pulled up to the speaker and the clerk asked something...what?, I have no idea, but something. Now, I pride myself at being a very good linguist; I can understand everything from an 18 months old babble to severe speech impediments and a variety of accents, but this woman was beyond my understanding. Now I am sure it didn't help that Daughter and I were very tired and overly giddy (thus buying the take-out) and got an immediate case of hysterical giggles, but really...if you don't have clear speech...for the love of God, don't get on a microphone with a muffled speaker and expect people to understand you.

And for the record, I still have no idea what she said....and I do not intend on going back there to try again.

jac said...

In New Zealand, it's "filet o' fish" and in Australia it's "fillet of fish", even thought they are BOTH spelt 'filet'. Australians are clearly wrong.