Sunday, December 2, 2007

Monogamy or bust


























I’m afraid I’m a bit of an old stick in the mud when it comes to relationships. I don’t hold with these modern liberal views at all. A solid family life and the security of the children, must be ensured by the one partner rule. We cannot permit these pernicious inroads into family values, if the next generation are to survive until adulthood.

I lay down my pen to finish the letter to my Congress person later, as the demands of small people have reached fever pitch and full volume.

I dither what to do first? Which child has the more compelling argument? The loudest one wins, as I am out of ear plugs. Not so much the squeaky wheel as the blaring clarion call. Only one is about to expire from malnutrition but it’s as quick two make three snacks and might buy me some time. I wonder how much time costs these days? I decide that I need to become fabulously rich, preferably by tomorrow and then all my troubles will be over.

Wealthy people can employ other people to do the things that they have no time to do themselves. I could hire a shopper! That would be first on the list. Perhaps someone to come in and do the laundry? Better still. Someone else to do the driving, a chauffeur, preferably someone who could claim a tax rebate on their earplug use. What do they call those people? The new ones? Oh yes, house manager, I could definitely do with one of those. Do I need a gardener? No, I’ll keep that therapy for myself, but a handy man wouldn’t go amiss. No need for a dog walker but I might be able to find a child walker, or a personal trainer for them. Someone to put them through their paces. Probably cheaper than therapists anyway? If only, if only, if only. Then I would have time to do the really important things in life, like change the world or maybe just have a cup of tea in peace and quiet.

Where could I find such a person to fulfill all these tasks in a dutiful manner? A jack of all trades that could turn their hand to the multiplicity of complications of daily living? Of course! That’s what I need. Maybe I could find one on-line. Russia seems popular these days. I would willingly forgo the fame and fortune in favour of a wife.

There again, do I really wish to make myself redundant?

14 comments:

Mona said...

Good question! self worth is an important feeling... the most important feeling!

Hammer said...

I wish I could hire someone to do some of the more unpleasant tasks.

Sadly, I can't find anyone to take my money even for the simplest of chores.

cranial midget said...

I repectfully disagree, there, Mona. Putting "self-worth" at the top of the emotion pyramid is at the root of much of modern civilization's ills, I think. How about "mudita" as the most important feeling? Or maybe we need to invent a word for "the impulse to lighten the burdens of others"? Oh, what a world that might be!

p.s. Just one person's opinion - everything I say or write or think might be wrong...

The Anti-Wife said...

I just want someone to do those chores I don't like - vacuuming, dusting, windows, changing linens, laundry, etc. and someone to do those little fix-it chores I never have time for. If you get rich, can I borrow some money?

Catherine said...

I know exactly how you feel, but I've got to have some reason for my existence!! Sad, isn't it!! Sometimes I feel utterly sick to death with it all - like right now actually.

I think cranial midget might be right about the self-worth thingy. Got to go away and rethink this issue.

buffalodickdy said...

Hire an illegal alien worker- that seems pretty popular today....

Marla said...

This is the first time I have been to this blog of yours. Pretty interesting writings.

Whitenoise said...

I'd like to hire someone to go to my place of employment and perform my work...

bren j. said...

I'd like a personal money maker....someone who would accept my gratitude as payment enough for supplying me with exactly enough $$ to live...comfortably every month.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Jozet at Halushki said...

No, no...I could use a wife myself. Two wives.

I would then re-title myself Lady of the Manor.

Why anyone ever insisted on monogamy is beyond my ken. I blame Cinderella.

KC's Blog said...

Ah to have someone do my dishes and laundry would be awesome!
Very cool blog you have here, this is the first time I have been by this blog and I love it!

Palm Springs Savant said...

well I agree with you on the monogamy part for sure!

Memphis Steve said...

I could use a wife myself. I'm not sure who this person living with me is.

Memphis Steve said...

My representatives in Congress don't give a damn what I have to say and make sure I know it. Then again, I strongly suspect that my letters never get past the girls they use as interns. They serve as PC Police, preventing anything unPC from reaching the ears of Power. Maybe I should wrap my letters around bricks and throw them?