Thursday, September 18, 2008

Knots, kinks and other Tangles

After more than an hour of fiddling, I am finally ready to test my engineering skills.

I was of course delighted when his initial installation was installed, but progress subsequently stalled due to unforeseen complications.

But I am a ‘can do’ kind of a woman. Who needs a man when you have a pair of scissors and several yards of quarter inch piping to play with? I shall complete the project myself. My adaptation of the drip system for my tired out old pots is a masterpiece. I am the ninth wonder of the world and no mistake! Maybe this should be my next career choice, in a while, when small people are no longer in need of my ministrations?

I stand gingerly by the standpipe to observe the first few drips as I turn on the tap. I’m promptly squirted with 17 jets of water from multifarious directions.

Dang! How to regain world domination, or perhaps just drip irrigation, not to say irritation? I skulk back indoors uncertain whether to cover the scene of crime or own up when he comes home from work? I have many hours to ponder this conundrum.

Several days later, at the weekend, he comes flying down the stairs from his office waving the bill. My cue to lie.
“Ah……I wanted to talk to you about that actually.” A pre-emptive strike always works well.
“Yes, one of the heads came of the main sprinkler system in the back garden. Sorry I forgot to mention it earlier. I did mean to turn it off but I couldn’t work out which one was the rogue, so it’s probably pouring out many millions of gallons of water all over the patio.”
“Head? Really?”
“Yes and of course you know that the ‘save water’ campaign has otherwise been a tremendous success.”
“It has?”
“Yes, every bowl of washing up water is dutifully sieved and then hurled over the potted plants.”
“Yes, and of course you already know that I’ve completely abandoned the ‘flush the toilet after usage’ campaign unless it’s strictly necessary.”
“Strictly necessary?”
“You know….for more ……or rather……serious deposits.”
“Anyway, to sum up, I’m very confident that before too long we shall reap the benefit of any number of savings with all this……water……saving……..campaign……” I peter out as his facial expression is unfathomable, very dark, with murky waters.
“Hmmm….well that’s all very interesting I’m sure. However, you’re wrong.”
“Wrong? Me? Why?”
“This isn’t the water bill. You jumped to soon.”
“Oh…..what is it then?”
“Guess? I don’t have time to play games, I have important things to do!”
“Give me a hint then?”
“Credit me with some intelligence!”
“Ah……… I’m happy to discuss the credit card situation with you but first of all I have to go and……”
“It’s o.k. there’s nothing to worry about. Everything you "bought" has been "credited" back to our account.”
“It has?”
“Yes. I just wanted to assure you that as usual you are completely correct.”
“I am?”
“Yes. You should never go shopping again as you’re no good at it.”
“Tell you what, you nip up and file this away for me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Fix the "second wonder" of the world.”
“The "Hanging Gardens of Babylon.”


Awesome Mom said...

I am always doing something like that. My husband has fixed many of my ill fated do it yourself projects.

The Anti-Wife said...

Your plants look lovely - and very well watered!

Anonymous said...

:) I'm feeling rather relieved about having killed most of our plants now.