Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The perfect gift for every man in your life

I don’t know about you, but I find I have the devil’s own job finding just the right thing for the only man in my life. But fear not, help is very close at hand. Blessed am I, for having found the perfect solution, although first you will need to strike up a sterling relationship with the mail man. Once you have charmed your way into his favour, the world is at your feet, as you will have conquered the seemingly impossible.

In these troubling financial times, you may find, like me, that the man in your life is still able to order all those essential little items on line that make his life tolerable. All sorts of widgets and gadgets are winging their way towards your house as we speak. Your mission, is to intercept the parcels without your man’s knowledge. This feat can be achieved in any number of different ways such as bribing the mail man to leave them in a secret, pre-arranged nook in the garden. Then, all you have to do is retrieve the items surreptitiously and hide them in a new, unknown to your man, secret hidey hole of your own choosing. This should preferably be an inside hidey hole as most widgets are subject to rust during inclement weather.

Should your man be bold enough to enquire whether or not the mail man has visited, this will be your opportunity to throw a fit and deny that there is any funny business going on between you and the mail man. If your performance is up to scratch, he will learn to avoid the subject completely, for fear of being drowned in alligator tears.

Pick a quiet moment when he is otherwise occupied and spent a few moments wrapping the box or package in festive paper and attach a card that displays your endearments.

Then when the great day arrives, you can rest assured that your gift will be one that he really, really wants quite badly, even more so, due to the delayed gratification of receipt. If there is any hint of disagreeableness, grab the gift and threaten to return it as unwanted, post haste.

Be sure that when the New Year comes around, your renew and refresh your relationship with the mail man to ensure his continued loyalty and pre-empt the possibility of any retaliation by your own widget wanter.


DJ Kirkby said...

Tsk, tsk, naughty girl!

buffalodick said...

What if it's a mailperson, instead of a man...

Whitenoise said...

Sneaky! ;-)

Angela said...

Now that is an awsome idea, but I don't think it would work
Cullen would just reorder