Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Other people’s reality

Just after Christmas I flee to Target where there will be adult people with normal speech patterns for a few moments of respite and some other essential items. Once cats, teeth, chocolate and cleanliness supplies are under control, I also grab a plain black top for myself, on sale, probably not my size but at $5:00 I’ve no complaints.

At the check out, the checker is abuzz and abusy. She is young, fresh and full of bounce, so I feel all the more ancient, numb brained and deflated.
“Did ya have a nice holiday?”
“Oh yes very much so. And yourself?”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Do you want your milk in a bag or not?”
“No thanks.”
“Er…….was that yes or no……to the bag?”
“Um……it was a no…..thanks.”
“I got the thanks I just couldn’t work out if it went with a yes or a no?”
“Ah. That constant bleeping must be very distracting for you.”
“Me? I’m right on top of things even after nearly an hour. Just tune it right out.”
“Oh good.” Maybe my diction has deteriorated?
“Do you always buy toothbrushes?”
She hurls the sack of cat food into a bag even though it is already fitted with a handle.
“What’s your dog called?”
“Er…….that’s for the cats.”
“Can you just swipe your card?”
“I already have.”
“Can you just sign in the box?”
“But there’s no total, I don’t know how much I’m spending yet?”
She presses another button and the sum appears like magic on the screen.
“Do you like black?”
“Yes I do, it always matches.”
“I never eat black chocolate. Is it good?”
“Black? Er yes, it’s a birthday present.”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that. Was it someone in your close family or just a friend that died?”
“Um…….a distant acquaintance.” Presumably, I can only guess.
“Always nice to buy new clothes though……even if it’s just for a funeral.”

Maybe I am already dead? Therapy session over. I can’t wait to get home.

How those digital recorders come in handy. Even as I re-listen, I still have no clue.


The Anti-Wife said...

Holy cow! What planet was she from? It makes me feel so - normal!

joker the lurcher said...

i assumed everyone was like this - maybe i am not engaging correctly with the rest of the world...

bevchen said...

:-D :-D That's hilarious!