Brits and their bloody teeth

I arrive at the dentist, post "jaw surgery," together with my inadequate and unco-operative teeth. There is no way to disguise the continued existence of the anterior open bite. We start badly. The receptionist asks me if I wish to clean my teeth, which I interpret as an accusation rather than a polite invitation; “Isn’t once first thing, and once before leaving enough, bearing in mind it’s only 10 in the morning?” She looks flustered and confused as much by my words as my tone. I rephrase, “you think I haven’t already cleaned my teeth?” Now she is more flustered and apologetic. She departs leaving me like the complete meany that I am.

In the dentist’s chair, he comes to check out the teeth.
“Bite” he commands. I obey. “No! Bite down,” he barks, almost. I obey. He mops his brow with a hand of frustration. “Here bite down on this.” He inserts a piece of blotting paper into my mouth. My attempts fail his test, which forces him to grip my bottom mandible, wiggle and giggle it and repeat his request. The hand slips to the brow and rakes the hair. “I can’t understand it? You had surgery over two months ago! Why don’t they join?” ‘Well if you don’t know, I certainly don’t,’ I think but do not voice, partly because it might appear rude and secondly because it’s difficult to talk when someone has a couple of large hands and far too many fingers in one smallish mouth. I have been relegated to the bottom of the teeth league, a failure. “You’ll have to go back to the surgeon and see what he has to say,” he puffs. The puff is a small, heavy, but lethal blow to my brain cells all of which scream ‘NO!’ in unison.

“Only one of them is touching in the front, can you see?” he asks no-one in particular. “Can you tell me where they join, where they touch?” he asks me. I shrug, as far as I’m aware, they don’t touch anywhere. “I can’t understand how you can eat? What are you eating, how does it feel?”
“Same as I have for the last 46 years, but I’m not eating anything except soup for the moment, and I don’t really feel anything.” This is not the answer that he requires, but I don’t know what the right one is? My teeth have never touched, how am I supposed to know what if feels like if they do, when they don’t? I have no terms of reference. I don’t chew anything I just swallow varying sized lumps of food whole, always have done, and at this rate, I probably always will do.

I find that my mind turns to dentures again, my first choice. To prevent such negativity, instead I think how it would feel to walk barefooted on a high wire. This is something I have never done. This is something that I never plan to do. I imagine how the wire would feel on the soles of my feet as I curled them around to get a grip. I can think about it, imagine it, but I can never really know how it would feel.

A discussion ensues two and a half feet above my head as a wide variety of staff members look at my mouth and chat to the dentist, as they debate over causes and possible remedies, all of which sound distinctly unpleasant. I twiddle with my glasses in my lap as armpits hover above my forehead. “I’ve never had it before. Ten days, two weeks and they snap into place. Are you sure you’re wearing the bands?” he addresses me, in a accusatory tone. “You doubt my veracity?” I squeak and then rephrase, “every day and every night, I never take them off and I put a new one on as soon as I swallow one.” He does a quick double take and whips out his drills as I bore deeper into my seat.

“It’s in the way, it’s too big and bulky,” he announces bearing down on me with the drill. “Why are you flinching, it’s only a crown, you wont’ be able to feel anything?” he queries. I beg to differ my son, I will feel a great deal in my pocket book! Have you any idea how much that very expensive crown cost my good man! I think but do not speak. I am being tiresome, he is growing impatient.

I peek at my watch, recall that school finishes early today. “You on a schedule?”
“Need to leave in 30 minutes.” He notices the whites of my eyes and recalls an earlier occasion when I had been delayed. His mind remembers how he had need to consult his liability insurance for injuries sustained on the premises not relating to treatment. He remembers sleepless nights of worry, trying to determine whether or not a frantic mother flying from the surgery and bonking her head on dental equipment, fell within his liability clause.

I am ‘released’ within the hour.

Moral – sow seeds in advance so that you may reap rewards later.

Brits and their bloody teeth

https://alien-in-a-foreign-field.blogspot.com/2007/03/brits-and-their-bloody-teeth.html

Lack of awareness

How come I have 'google alerts' for two items, one of which is any articles on 'Autism' and today is the first day of Autism Awareness Month, and yet the only article that's arrived is one that's nearly a week old? There again, since it is also April Fool’s Day it might have been a mistake to bury us in Autism articles, could be open to mis-interpretation.

I do a little research, check some facts. I discover that April is not only Autism awareness month, but a month, the odd week, and a few days here and there devoted to recognizing a whole host of things, some of which I have never even heard of, and others that I do not understand such as Otolaryngology, which come to think of it, I don’t think I can even say, verbally that is.[?] Are any of these causes as worthy as ‘autism awareness month?’ Hmm. Lets see, which one’s could we get rid of?

National Occupational Therapy Month! Ha! I knew that one. I didn’t know that one last year, but that’s fine because now I’m all ready for it this year, even though I didn’t know it was this particular month. Fair enough. We’ll keep that one, I have a vested interest in that one, although I’d still be interested to find out what ever happened to Speech Therapist month / week / day? Hour perhaps?

Foot Health Awareness month? Can’t get rid of that one either, at least not until after the foot surgery, it would be a little churlish to do otherwise, and I have a couple of friends who are Chiropodists [translation = podiatrists] so I’d feel a little disloyal. Anyway, personally anyone wishing to devote their lives to other people’s feet deserves far greater reward that recognition for a paultry month.

What else? March of Dimes, that’s the Birth Defects Foundation one. It’s a toughy, but it kind of has to stay. It’s hard to deny my bias I know, but the little babies? Can’t deny the little babies. You could say that Autism is a sub category of that in any case. So what are we down to now. There must be something we can get rid of to make a bit more room. Hmm. What about National Infanct Immunization week. Pretty ironic to have it in the same month as Autism awareness, but I mustn’t let thoughts of mercury and Thirmesol, poison my judgment.

Aha! IBS! Know that one? Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month, now surely that’s something we’d all be happy to be without? There is one current family member, who must remain nameless, [and it isn’t me] who falls neatly into that particular toilet bowl. I can’t allow the sub issue of digestion, food sensitivity and bowel complications of autistic children to cloud the picture. Running out of options here. What about National Volunteer Week, we could ditch that one, afterall it’s not as if they’re paid or anything, they’re not going to go on strike are they, and even if they did, no-one would notice, they’re not part of the financial economy. This is American the most powerfully rich capitalist country in the Western world, who needs volunteers when you can pay a professional to do the job properly, at a price. There again, if they’re doing it all for free, it seems a tad mean to deny them the odd crumb of acknowledgment and perhaps a very small thank you.

A Day to end Sexual Violence. Great. A day! A day? Well if it’s only a day we can scrap that one, it would take a life time to make any impact on that, probably several. There again, if it’s going to take several life times, the sooner they get started with their first ‘day’ then so much the better for all of us.

There are a lot of other ones too, months, weeks and days, to note important things, other important things. You can check the web site, month by month, just like an ordinary calendar, just so that you have the opportunity to dwell upon just how much misery there is swilling about out there unchecked.

I think I should contact Hallmark, as they seem to have missed a whole realm of opportunities for commercialism and profit. I can’t wait to make my fortune designing cards for National Facial Protection Month with a special mention for Oral and Maxillofacial surgeons, especially after my own "jaw surgery."

Lack of awareness

https://alien-in-a-foreign-field.blogspot.com/2007/03/lack-of-awareness.html