We go to MacDonald’s for a coronary treat. The boys glue themselves to the display cabinet of toys. My daughter helps me order.
“Three Happy Meals please,” I beam.
“D’ya wan girlz or boyz?”
“?”
I have no idea what sex a chicken nugget is? My daughter helps, “one girl, two boys.”
“D’ya wan sada er appil jis?”
“?”
She sees her chance and grabs it, “two thick shakes and a water please.”
“No! Please may we have three of those little cartons.” I point, because I am a very rude person. Fortunately nobody notices that I am being rude.
“D’ya wan kitchip.”
“Yes I thought they came with chips?”
“D’ya wan chipz too?”
“Yes please.”
“No mom! No chips. Those are chips, in the bag,” she points. I tap. “But you pointed. I saw you.”
“Yes, well, anyway. That will be three fries please.”
“D’ya wan tree mur fries?” I look at my daughter, ‘do I?’
“No, not three more fries just the fries that come with the Happy Meals….please.” Well done!
“D’ya wan dah kitchip?” Oh dear!
“Um…”
“Yes please and one Barbeque sauce.”
“Anything else? I got tree. D’ya wan anything?” she asks, finger tips poised over the keys.
“Yes I’ll have a fillet o fish please.”
“A wa?”
“A fillet o fish please.”
“A wa?”
“Quit it with the French accent mom, it sounds kinda weird!”
“A sawig or a meal?” Oh dear. This is so difficult.
“Sandwich,” she adds as I flounder.
“Is a sandwich the same as a bun or is it two slices of bread?”
“Wussa bun?”
I collapse on a chair with mental exhaustion, or I would do if the chair wasn’t four and a half feet from the ground. She rests her elbows on the table, a gesture of defiance if ever I saw one. “Mom!”
“Yes dear?”
“How longa yah been here?”
“Here?”
“In America?”
“Well let me see now, just over 12 years.”
“How longa yah been in England?”
“Well that’s more tricky before Grampa was in the Navy so we moved around a great deal.”
“Well there’s nothing else for it?”
“Pardon?”
“We gotta come here more oftener.”
“Why?”
“Coz you’ve just gotta learn how to talk right. Whattaya gonna do when I’m gone!”
Get real, eat in and enjoy a long, happy and peaceful existence.
16 hours ago
