I chit chat with American pals in an American restaurant. I wait until the end of the dinner when tummies are full and everyone is replete. Good timing is essential. When people begin to ask for the check whilst women relax into the booth to sip coffee.
Horray! Now I have a handy collection of locals to translate a few things for me. A few things that have been annoying me for a wee while [translation = bugging me.] I need to get them cleared out of the cranium, to make room for more important matters. There’s only three of them, queries that is. We should have this cleared up in no time at all.
I clear my throat to ask;
"Why is a ‘live oak’ called a live oak? Why do you need the ‘live’ bit? If it wasn’t alive, you would hardly need to note it as a ‘dead’ oak." My pal blinks above the rim of her coffee cup, so does her neighbor. I continue, unflustered.
"Why is a ‘wild fire’ called a ‘wild’ fire? Is there any other kind of fire apart from a wild one? Surely they’re all wild apart from the ones in grates and the ones in camps? I don’t think that ‘controlled fires,’ the ones that the fire service practice on, count." There is a clink of cups on china saucers. Another pal adjusts the fall of her scarf at her neck. I tear onwards whilst I'm ahead.
"If you use the phrase ‘authentic strip joint’ in the context of talking about Blues music, does this mean ‘women taking their clothes off for other people’s amusement and being paid?"
I decide to skip the one about the Dude ranch, as that is always unproductive. I have to learn to live with that one.
There is a collective sigh.
“Not again!” she pleads.
“Where do you get this stuff from?” they ask in mutual despair and disgust.
“You have too much time on your hands woman!” sighs another.
“You are just too weird!”
The use of ‘Weird’ in this context, probably refers to the unlikelihood of such matters being raised at this particular social gathering.
“You need to get over yourself, hun!”
What on earth does that mean? I’ve heard that one before. I need that explaining too please? Get over what? What is she talking about? Is that English? What language is she speaking? Where’s my dictionary? I’m drowning.
“You need some kinda help!” I know that, now tell me, before I explode.
“It’s just not right,” she adds as she stands to join her friends who are moving towards the exit.
“You’re gonna have to stop doing this you know!” one says, with a tone of eerie finality as the door swings closed.
“Where are you all going? Come back! Don’t leave me! Help?”
From outside the restaurant, she mouths through the window pane, “It’s for your own good.”
10 hours ago
