Martyrdom is so unbecoming

It’s not so much passive aggressive, more survivorship skills.


After a couple of decades with one partner I have learned that timing is crucial. I need to find just that right moment when he will be receptive. I wait a long while for the perfect moment to present itself before pouncing..........


“So, I’ve booked the party, paid the deposit, bought the invitations, written them, given them out, co-ordinated the replies, made the cake, bought the presents and wrapping paper, cleverly hidden them in a fiendishly ingenious spot, found the perfect birthday card, written it, forged your signature ……......….in addition to all my ordinary duties….........…all I need you to do is wrap the presents and mind the children whilst I nip out to buy party favours and bags for 24 children….......…..if you think you might be able to manage that with your busy schedule and all?”
He yawns, “yes it’s great to be home at the weekend, pity I have to work full time I suppose. I’m happy to help, only too happy to help…...........…assuming you can find your cleverly hidden presents before you leave?”
“!”

Martyrdom is so unbecoming

https://alien-in-a-foreign-field.blogspot.com/2008/11/martyrdom-is-so-unbecoming.html

My Lord and some Masterly

I decide to nip it in the bud, first thing in the morning at the weekend.

Whilst, I certainly wouldn’t wish to disparage the entire male population, sometimes it pays to be forthright.

I plan my attack, or rather, my approach in the early morning as I field copious children and miscellaneous adults. After two sittings of breakfast and subsequent clear up, I hear his footfalls from on high.

He appears in the kitchen, shortly thereafter with a 2:47 shadow and a dazed expression. We greet as is customary between partners. After the mushy stuff I let rip.
“See this?”
He blinks to focus.
“Excedrin Migraine. ………. Are you ill?”
“No. Are you? Do you have a headache? Are you about to get a headache? Your usual weekend headache, that never surfaces during the working week?”
“Um…….”
“Is there any possibility that you are about to claim incompetence due to an imminent headache?”
“Er…..”
“Coz I can tell you right now that you might as well take a couple straight away as I’m not having another weekend ruined by you dripping about like the walking wounded.”
“Why are you………talking so fast?”
“Because I have already been awake for three and a half hours.”
“Ah…..I see the coffee………is empty.”
“Broken. Never mind about that now. So. Where was I? Ah yes. What’s on your agenda for the weekend?”
“Um…….”
“Shall I tell you what’s not on your agenda for the weekend?”
“If……… you must……..”
“You are not going to play in the garage with your widgets for three hours solid.”
“They’re…….not actually……widgets……they’re…..”
“Nor are you going to fllutter leaves in the garden for an additional five hours.”
“I don’t actually flutter……..”
“Nor are you going to fiddle about in the attic until hell freezes over.”
“I don’t actually fiddle…….you see I…….”
“And if you so much as touch a computer key I swear I’ll impale your finger tips with a knitting needle.”
“Well…….”
“Do we understand each other?”
“I……”
“Everybody on the planet is enjoying exclusive family time at the weekends except us.”
“Well I think…..”
“It’s just not good enough. We need to do better.”
“Right………so you don’t want me to take the coffee maker into the garage and fix it and I’ll leave the washing machine for another day shall I?”
“Ah…….well I suppose it would be o.k. to fix those two, but only those two.”
“Right. So as it’s over 100 degree today I assume you won’t be wanting to use the pool at all?”
“How do you mean?”
“Well unless I clear all the leaves off and unclog the haulage mechanism you won’t be able to open it.”
“Ah……well I can see why that might be a priority……another priority.”
“So I can leave all the summer luggage and baggage for another day?”
“Er……..?”
“All the suitcases in the hall that you wanted me to put up in the attic, left over from our trip to England……..because I can’t put them away until I’ve cleared some space up there.”
“Hmmm……maybe……perhaps?”
“I’ll start in the garage……….after I’ve had a shower……if that suits you madam? I’ll take the Excedrin with me.”
!

My Lord and some Masterly

https://alien-in-a-foreign-field.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-lord-and-some-masterly.html

Short of a bob or two

“What on earth is that noise! Don’t say that’s something else we have to replace?”
“Oh no. It’s fine. The clunking is probably just some "loose change" or something.”
“That noise is going to drive me nuts. Lets see if I can fish some of it out.”
“Don’t bother it’ll be fine.”
"Oh “heck!" All my trousers are in here.”
“I know. I couldn’t tell which ones were dirty and which ones were clean from that heap, so I just chucked them all in together to be on the safe side.”
“Didn’t you check the pockets first?”
“Um…..no. I don’t do that any more.”
“How come?”
“Too much busyness I suppose. My laundry skills are slipping due to increased production. Quality control is out the window I'm afraid.”
“But there could be receipts and……business cards…..and…..all sorts of important stuff in there.”
“Quite possibly.”
“Don’t you care?”
“I do….....…but it’s too late now.”
“You know…....…..most wives check their husband’s pockets.”
“Do they? Most? Why?”
“Well……I suppose …….just to check.”
“Check what?”
“Their…..husband’s…….....doings.”
“What doings?”
“Um……whether their husbands are maybe……up to no good.”
“Are you up to no good?”
“Of course not!”
“When would we have the time!”
“……..well……maybe.......”
“Maybe what?”
“I’d just like to keep my options open.”

Wouldn’t we all.

Short of a bob or two

https://alien-in-a-foreign-field.blogspot.com/2008/09/short-of-bob-or-two.html