Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Time out!

I’m sorry but sometimes venting is the best solution. I don’t know about you but my social life is a bit limited, mainly due to a lack of qualified baby sitters, but every once in a while we get a pass. We get to go out for the evening and commune with adults like other normal people.

And do you know what? Every time I get stuck with some person who wishes to talk at me. Does that happen to you? These people drone on and on and on without pause for breath. Since we are in Silicon Valley for our sins, more often that not the person in question will favour the subject of chips, the micro variety not the edible ones. They’re closely aligned with the layout guys, who are even more closely related to the circuit guys. There are two main types, those that avoid eye contact of any kind and those whose eye balls sear with a piercing unblinking gaze.

I find I manage quite well for a period of up to twenty minutes. My standard excuse for escape is a trip to the loo. During the course of the evening, I can tell how unlucky I have been by the number of times I have had to submit to a call of nature. If I’m really lucky I can think about the patterns and designs of the restroom I’ve memorizing during my lengthy visits during the next conversation that I have to endure.

I am always careful to start off well. I learned from my parents to avoid three topics, religion, politics and sex. Most people’s standard opening line is ‘what do you do?” Me? Never. I have learned that is just opening the stable door to invite a stampede of words. Instead, I usually ask ‘what do you like to do when you’re not working or if you had to work in another discipline what would you choose?’ Anything to head them off at the pass. All I want is a little light witty repartee, not a lecture, nor a diatribe. Is that really too much to ask?

Maybe I’m just older and losing my bounce but I am sorely tempted to take a more proactive approach with droners. I’m sure someone once said that best line of defense is attack;

“O.k!” I would have to bark to make them stop for a nano second, “you can say three more sentences then you have to ask me a question. Then you have to listen to my answer and ask a follow up question, get it?”

“Remove your eye balls from mine or wear dark glasses.”

“From now on you have to speak without using the words circuit, diode or awesome.”

“As I am an atheist feminist, come to the restroom with me so we can discuss fornication.”


Shellie said...

Alright! I love atheist feminists talking about fornication in the bathroom. What a hoot!

Joker The Lurcher said...

there is one thing about bringing up kids like ours - you develop a fine line in correcting social skills deficits!

lime said...

right then, off to the loo for the truly sparkling conversation!

Anonymous said...

Yep, the bathroom is my favorite escape route. Usually to escape the kids.

The Anti-Wife said...

Wow, I'm elated. I'm not the only person whose bladder becomes weak at the merest suggestion of horrid conversation. I'm off to the loo with you!

Jocelyn said...

People can be such clods. I have to say, I wouldn't waste a night out by going anyplace other people might be wanting to converse. A movie is a safe bet, eh?

frog ponds rock... said...

Aaah 'the loo' it really can be a sanctuary.. um except when you are at home of course..then all and sundry just barge in and ask you inane questions..

Or is that just at my house? hehehe

cheers kim xxx