Sunday, September 28, 2008

Run that by me again

“What is all that beeping?”
“It’s the timer dear,” I add unnecessarily with only the tiniest hint of sarcasm.
“I know that. I mean which one is it?”
“You can’t turn them off! I need them all or supper will be a disaster.”
“Actually I think I mean……… where is it?”
“I can’t tell you that either as I know you’ll turn it off.”
“This is ridiculous. How many timers do you need?”
“One for 30 minutes electronics time.”
“Fair do’s.”
“One for the quiche in the oven, one for ‘minutes left for cycling,”
“Who is cycling?”
“Look out the window!”
“Ooo that’s new. How long has he been doing that?”
“All afternoon.”
“Why do you want to stop him……er……restrict him?”
“I don’t.”
“He asked me to time him. He needs to cycle for three minutes to exercise his body and he needs to come in again to recover, so he tells me. Then he does it again.”
“He’ll be worn out soon…….I hope.”
“How long as he been doing it for?”
“All afternoon.”
“You’re kidding!”
“I kid you not.”
“What are the other ones for?”
“They were doing ‘world records’ at school today, so she’s timing how long she can hang upside down on the monkey bars?”
“Typical. She looks like a beetroot.”
“And he’s timing how high a score he can reach within the 30 minutes electronics time.”
“You mean level.”
“Do I?”
“But that’s not the beeping one. Where is it?”
“On the microwave.”
“What are you timing?”
“The oven. The quiche.”
“Why don’t you use the timer on the oven?”
“I am.”
“No……the oven timer.”
“It doesn’t have one or I would.”
“Look! You’ve stuck a timer on the microwave oven but the microwave oven has a timer.”
“I know! But I’m not using the microwave oven!”
“I know! But you’re using yet another timer when you could simply use the one on the………….Look here. The microwave oven has an independent timer feature.”
“Does it? Really?”
“I wonder why I never noticed that before? How long have we lived here?”
“13 years. Anyway it’s beeping so it must be ready so you can turn it off.”
“True, but don’t touch it.”
“Why not?”
“Because the quiche isn’t quite done yet.”
“Reset the timer then!”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know how much longer it’s going to take to set, er.....I done.”
“You can still turn it off and just peek at it every now and then.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because without the beeping I’ll forget to peek. It's like a cattle prod to the mind.”
"Surely you'll smell it if it burns."
"That will be too late!"
"That constant beeping would fuse anyone's brain. How can you remember anything or even think?"
"I don't need to think, that's why I have the reminder. I wish it had a little viewing window, that would make life so much easier."
"Forget easier, quieter would be enough for me. More of a sledgehammer than a prod!"
"Can't you just tune it out for a bit? It shouldn't be very long. I know! You can borrow his "ear muffs!"


Crushed said...

It sounds a highly involved and complex operation...

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

honey i could not do what you do for ten minutes. i would pluck my eyes out i think! ha ha ha

you rock girl!

smiles, bee

buffalodick said...

Cook it on the damn stove...

Heffalump said...

My timer lets me time up to three things at once. However it only beeps for one minute and then stops, so I have to reset the timer or when it stops beeping I'll forget and whatever is in the oven will burn.

Jayne said...

What is a microwave? :P

Whitenoise said...

Once you have a system it's important to stick to it...

Anonymous said...

I hate that our timer stops beeping after a minute. Then I forget it was beeping and even worse why it was beeping.