Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The invisible hook

Of course my first mistake is to pick up the receiver. My second mistake is to speak to the caller. My third mistake is not to replace the receiver after I have spoken:- “thank you so much but I do not wish to receive a daily newspaper.”
“But you need to be informed.”
“I am as informed as is currently possible.”
“Where do you get your news from?”
“The radio.”
“The newspaper is far more comprehensive.”
“Nothing is more comprehensive than the BBC World Service.”
“But print is so much better.”
“I find it too local and parochial. Anyway, I need my news to be mobile.”
“I can’t sit around reading a newspaper I need to be able to hear the news as I bimble around, aural.”
“If you like. Besides I don’t wish to contribute to tree carnage.”
“All our newspapers are printed on recycled paper with biodegradable ink.”
“That’s highly commendable but I still do not want a newspaper thank you.”
“What about all the coupons? There’s over 300 local coupons that we can make available to you.”
“I am already swamped in coupons from all the unstoppable junk mail thank you so much.”
“O.k. so give me your name?”
“Well I would suggest that if you don’t already know my name it may be that you are considerably harming your chances of a successful sale. In any case, all I can say is that you have a much greater chance of a sale with someone else, as I really do not want to buy a newspaper.”
“But it’s a free trial.”
“There is no such thing as a free lunch or a free newspaper, I always end up paying in the end one way or another.”
“You have nothing to lose.”
“How many different ways can I say ‘no’ that might help you understand?”
“It’s o.k. you can just keep talkin to me.”
“Er……I beg your pardon?”
“Geez I love your accent.”
“Ah!...... I see!.......... Just to let you know that I shall be hanging up the receiver now. Do have a jolly nice day.”


Crushed said...

I no longer buy a newspaper.

I used to getb the Telegraph every day.

Now i get it online, and the Grauniad as well.

But blogs, that's how I REALLY get news and commentary :)

Mass Media now IS Mass Media....

Trixie said...

Amazed newspapers are still in print to be honest!

And I gess the way he was trying to sell it...not for long!

buffalodick said...

I like your accent too, even though I've never heard it....

alejna said...

That was a really amusing exchange! I enjoyed that quite a bit. Certainly quite a bit more than actually receiving such a phone call.

Anne said...

I'm with buffalo. Wait, actually I have heard your accent, didn't you post a video a while back of your boys?

This is great!