Friday, August 17, 2007

How hard can it be?


I drop my book in my lap as he comes to bed. “Well there’s only one thing for it,” he announces late at night. I adjust the pillows and snuggle back.
“And what might that be pray?”
“We’ll have to conduct a controlled experiment,” he says with glee as he rubs his hands together.
“Well, I think we might come to some sort of agreement,” I yawn and pull down the duvet a tad.
“Fair enough. Are you too tired?”
“No more than usual.”
“Great! First of all we need to define our terms, afterall, how hard is hard? I’d say that a banana is hard.” He runs a tender fingertip along my jaw line and traces my lips.
“Only if it’s not ripe, still green. Sometimes they go over the top and split their skins. Mucky.” I run my fingers through his hair.
“Fair enough. I suppose the same could be said for tomatoes then?”
“Very much so. Green and rock hard, or over ripe smoosh.”
“What else? Perhaps we should keep away from fruit?”
“Or veg.”
“Right.”
“So what does that leave us with?”
“Well there’s always my all time favourite?” he says rolling over to face me.
“Chocolate. Is there a difference between dark and milk, or do we want to complicate it still further with the addition of nuts?”
“No. Lets leave out the nuts, they can be nasty little irritants,” he says as he slips off my glasses and drops them on the floor.
“If you leave it in the fridge, it’s like a brick. On the counter and it starts to ooze, a liquid really.”
“My other favourite would be cheese.”
“Do we really want to go there?”
“Parmesan or Brie? Or do we want to consider whipped cream?”
“A lot of people do.”
“Do what?”
“Like whipped cream.”
“And you?”
“I don’t think it helps much.”
“Right. What else?”
“So much depends upon the presentation though and size of course, we can’t leave out size.”
“Indeed we can’t. Vital, absolutely vital not to overlook size.”
“Afterall, you wouldn’t want more than a mouthful.”
“Absolutely not! Wouldn’t like to gag. But for example, if you take a cherry tomato, a small one, it can take a lot of force to burst it initially, and then it explodes all over the inside of your mouth, but a slice of tomato, even if it’s very large, is so much easier.”
“Really. I didn’t know that.”
“Well that’s the kind of thing that you discover after "jaw surgery," just what you can eat easily and other hard stuff that you "choke on.”
“I’m glad we’ve cleared that up then.”
“Wouldn’t like there to be any mis-understandings.”
“Perish the thought.”
“So tomorrow, do you want over easy or sunny side up?”
“Depends upon whether you’re talking about breakfast?”

Is it any wonder that we have "communication problems?"

3 comments:

Oh, The Joys said...

Even I'm wondering if you had something to eat or some of TEH SEX.

Linda said...

Oops, thought I had stepped into something a little more risque there for awhile! But then when you said you didn't want nuts it was obvious!

Nicely done!

The Anti-Wife said...

You are very funny!