Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Mad Cow Disease

“Oh look Mary Lou!”
“We’re getting closer.”
“Closer to what Jeanie?”
“The white Cape Cod house.”
“Oh yeah. Do you think she’ll be in the yard today?”
“Don know, mebee.”
“Oh yeah. Look. There she is.”

“Geez she looks mess. Who’d go outside looking like that!”
“Well you know she’s a complete granola head. Bet she’s in therapy.”
“Geez. She’ll still in her robe!”
“Slow down. Pretend the dog’s tied up in his leash or something.”
“What is she doin with those rocks?”
“Beats me.”
“Why have they got paint on them?”
“Must be some kind of English art or some crap or other.”
“That yard’s a disgrace to the neighbourhood. Who let her put then fence up anyways? Doesn’t she know about open yard space?”
“She’s probably better off caged in. We probably need a moat for our own protection. You know, the English and their castles.”
“Where is her lawn? What’s the point in coming to California if you can’t maintain a good lawn, that’s what I’d like to know?”
“Gotta tighten up those immigration laws.”

“Or the citizenship exam. They let anyone in nowadays. Talk about a language barrier, what about cultural values.”
“Geez, she’s using that hose again. Don’t they know anything? She’s probably too stupid to turn the sprinkler system on.”
“Quick! Get movin, she’s seen us.”
“She’s waving.”
“Wave back, quick, look friendly, you don want to go upsetting crazies like her.”
“Weird wave. Bit like the queen, all stiff and snotty.”
“Least she gotten those gross teeth fixed.”
“I wonder how many years it’ll take to fix the rest of her?”
“She’s a real paper bag case, can’t be helped.”

“Sheez! Look at that!”
“The basket ball hoop!”
“That’s it, you’re outta here lady!”
“Who in their right mind grows flowers on a basket ball pole!”
“Sacrilegious I’d call it!”
“A travesty. Treason.”
“It’s beautiful shade of blue though. Must be 20 foot of flowers!”
“Shut up Jeanie. She’s turnin your mind! Before you know it you’ll be eatin English muffins and wittering about marmalade. It’s contagious. They do that you known, darned foreigners.”

Pure fiction - I have lovely neighbours

And in my other "life".......


Awesome Mom said...

Haha too funny! I sometimes think disparaging thoughts about people that do not keep up their yards. I can't help myself.

Anne said...

That's a great story, I'm sure my neighbors talk about me like that, especially when I'm on the lawn tractor.

liv said...

I can't wait to hear my new neighbors pitying me and wondering how I'll conquer the jungle of a new yard. hee hee!

Jean Knee said...

yes, I'm the odd one on my block too. We actually got a letter from the homeowner thing saying we had inadequate landscaping. WTF

if I put in adequate landscaping I wouldn't trim or keep it up and it would be a mess, then I'd get a note about keeping adequate landscaping adequately trimmed.

best just to things to one inadequacy

Hammer said...

Are you sure you weren't eavesdropping on my neigbors?